


the things that bind us

by blue000jay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Harry Potter - Freeform, Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 07:01:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12576284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue000jay/pseuds/blue000jay
Summary: three times sirius black did something smart, and one time he did something rash





	1. the things that frighten us

**Author's Note:**

> my first Harry Potter fic! Enjoy. of course it's remus and sirius though let's be real.

The common room was warm. 

 

That wasn't an uncommon thing to any length, no. Just a comforting one. It was always warm in the common room, whether it be the middle of winter or the heat of summer. It wasn't an overbearing type of warm, just settled and nice and there. Honestly, the whole thing must've been magically tuned to each separate person, because no one ever seemed uncomfortable in the common room. It just wasn't a place to be uncomfortable in.

 

But here he was. Remus carefully cupped his mug of tea, setting it down on the table and plopping into his favorite chair. He'd studied many an hour here, stayed up late and talked and chatted. And done what he was doing now - enjoying a hot cup of tea and a bar of chocolate, and trying not to think about the bandages and scars beneath his clothing. So he was thinking about magical thermostats instead. A wonderful way to distract the brain if you ask him. He raised his cup back up to his lips, blowing softly and going to take a sip.

 

"...Remus?" He jolted, nearly choking on the sip of tea and grasping at the arm of the chair. He turned to face the stairwell, where he was faced by a very confused (or was it concerned?) looking Sirius Black. His hair was messy and he was in his pajamas, but the bags under his eyes indicated how much sleep he'd gotten. Remus sighed, turned back towards the fire.

 

"Heaven's sake, you scared the living daylights out of me." He mumbled, lifting a hand to rub at his eye and sighed. "What do you want, Sirius?" He asked, not meaning to sound rude or impatient but he was so _tired_. He wanted to finish this tea and chocolate and go upstairs and sleep off the ache in his bones.

 

"Where were you?" He heard, and then the following sound of footsteps. He didn't respond as he felt a weight sink over the back of his chair, or as he saw the tips of Sirius' hair falling down beside his head. He really needed a haircut soon, he mused, it really was getting long. He still didn't reply, and Sirius repeated himself after a second. "Remus. Where were you?" He asked, and Remus tilted his head to catch his gaze. He watched his gaze flick between the tea and the chocolate.

 

"My mother." He offered after a second. "She's sick. You know that. She...it wasn't a very good visit." It wasn't hard to make his voice sound pained and strained, not like this. And he was becoming a very good liar. Sirius pursed his lips, and in the dark of the early morning common room where it was warm and nice, Remus thought that he looked suddenly very grown up. Worried eyes and face. Dark hollows where his cheekbones dipped, even darker hollows under his eyes that gave him a solemn look. He looked nothing like the dumb kid who snorted up his eggs at breakfast the other day, and suddenly it was scary. They were only in their second year, and yet he'd worried Sirius to look like this? Or was it even him? He vaguely doubted that, figuring he couldn't worry Sirius too much. He had James anyways, and it's not like they were the closest two of the quad.

 

"You're always back earlier." He said accusingly and ah, nope. Moment broken, he was being whiny again. Remus sighed and thunked his head back on the chair, directly next to Sirius'. 

 

"It wasn't a good visit. I'd really not like to talk about it." He mumbled, staring at the ceiling and ignored the burn of Sirius' eyes on him. "I'm tired. You're tired. We should go to bed." He said, listening to the sound of them both breathing. Sirius said nothing but hummed a little, and then finally responded.

 

"Finish your goddamn tea, Remus. And give me a square of that chocolate." 

 

Remus hid a smile and passed him a square.

 

\------------------

 

It was two weeks later, and in the library. A safe place, he'd assumed. Books hid him in a corner and it was quiet and calm and perfect for studying, they had a test this Wednesday and- 

 

Slam. Sirius plopped down across from and shoved a pile of books out of his way.

 

"What are you reading?" He demanded, and Remus sighed.

 

"Good morning to you too." He said, flipping back the book to check the cover and let him see. "A Connection to the Magical Community of the 20th Century. It's just some extra reading I thought I'd-"

 

"Extra reading, yeah yeah, I get it. But look at this one." Sirius cut him off and waved a hand, reaching into his bag. Remus stared, confused for a moment. Sirius? With a book? In his _bookbag_? The idea was preposterous. He blinked and waited as Sirius plopped a heavy tome on the table between them and hesitantly marked his spot in his other book, setting it aside.

 

"...What's this?" He asked tentatively, running a finger down the spine and checking for a name. Nothing. Sirius flipped it open.

 

"It's a uhm. Book on magical. Ailments." He said, suddenly sounding shy and unsure. This day was officially thrown to the bears, Remus thought. Sirius with a book, and now, shy? He opened it up and flipped through a few pages. "I sort of figured maybe you'd like to look at it. For your mother." He clarified, and Remus blinked and looked at him.

 

"Thank you?" He said, but it was more of a question than anything else. Sirius rubbed the back of his neck and glanced away, then slung up his bookbag over his shoulder again. He stood with a grunt, pushing the chair he'd claimed back in. 

 

"Yeah. Uh. Check out page three hundred twenty-eight." He mumbled, and promptly fled. Remus blinked again, glancing down at the book and started flipping. He was thoroughly fucking bamboozled. Sirius had looked so sincere and-

 

He froze. He'd made it to page three hundred and twenty-eight. The scrawl at the top of the page was unmistakable.

 

_Werewolves._

 

\-------------------

 

He didn't think he'd ever run so fast in his life. Well, maybe he had but he certainly couldn't remember doing so.

 

He'd stared at the page for so long in the library, confused and terrified and unsure. Surely he didn't know, he couldn't know- But he had no idea. He had to talk to him and find out what he meant, maybe it was a joke. It had to be a joke.

 

He'd shoved himself up from the chair and table and abandoned everything to bolt down the hall towards the Gryffindor tower. He panted out the password to a confused-looking and sort of concerned Fat Lady, darting inside and glancing around. He spotted James and nearly fell over a coffee table in his rush to get to him, earning a snort and a confused look.

 

"James." He panted, staring at him. "Where's Sirius?" He asked, and James gave him a look.

 

"Not here." He said simply and Remus groaned. 

 

" _James_." He pleaded.

 

"He went out to the quad, I think." He said, rolling his eyes and glancing at him with a curious look. "Why? Are you ok? What's going on?" He took in his appearance finally and suddenly looked concerned. "Is Sirius in trouble?" 

 

"Don't worry about it!!" Remus called, already bolting away again. 

 

\---------------

 

The Quad was mostly empty. It was nearly Halloween and slightly chilly, so most students were inside and hiding in the warmth and safety. He tugged his robes around him more and bit his lip, glancing around. He sighed, starting to make his way over to the tree they hung out under most spring days, seeing a peek of black hair.

 

"...Sirius?" He asked quietly once he'd gotten close enough. "Sirius." He said, a little more firmly. He saw the head of black hair peek out a little more.

 

"Hey." Sirius said, leaning a bit around the tree and locking gazes with him.

 

"It's freezing out here." Remus pointed out. It was indeed, freezing. He was starting to shiver. Sirius shrugged. Remus took a few steps forward and stood above him, looking out over the lake. 

 

"Why?" He asked after a moment. He didn't look down at him, but heard him shuffling around. "..That's a mean joke, Sirius." He said quieter. "My mother's not a werewolf."

 

"I know." Sirius replied after a second. He said it simply and calmly, but Remus could hear what he meant.   
  


"I'm not-"

 

"Cut the shit, Remus." Sirius said, and Remus flinched. Just barely, but he did. 

 

He couldn't let this get out. If Sirius knew, then James must know, and Peter. Because Sirius told them everything. And James could never keep his mouth shut, so half the school would know by morning. He stared at the lake unseeing, breathing picking up. Panicked thoughts flew through his head. Dumbledore was going to have to expel him to keep from ruining the school's reputation, _everyone was going to know_ -

 

"-emus. Remus!" He snapped out of his panic, sinking to his knees and feeling a hand on his arm. He was barely breathing, short little gasps and his ears were ringing.

 

"Remus, calm down." He heard, the hand on his arm squeezing, and he fought the urge to tug his arm away and snarl. "It's ok. Remus. Listen to me. It's fine. Snap out of it." Sirius kept blabbering and Remus focused on his voice, trying to get his breathing under control. Sirius was counting, doing the thing- oh, breathe with him. He could do that. He did, sucking in a breath and letting it out as Sirius did. His hand came up unwillingly to grasp Sirius'. 

 

"I'm ok." He gasped after a few minutes. "I'm ok." He said, shaking his head and taking a few more shuddering breaths.

 

"...Do I have to get the nurse?" He heard him say and shook his head viciously. 

 

"No. No, don't. I'm alright." He said, letting go of his hand and letting it fall tot he ground. He felt the cold strands of frozen and dead grass, playing with it in his grasp. The blades were almost sharp, and pressing into them grounded him. 

 

"I'm sorry." Sirius muttered and he glanced over, meeting his worried gaze. "I didn't mean..."

 

"It's not your fault." Remus shook his head and Sirius made an angry face.

 

"Yes, it is. I shouldn't have done that, I should've just said something. I'm fucking sorry. Bloody-" He pressed a hand to his face and took a breath. "I'm sorry, Remus."

 

It was quiet for a second, both boys staring at each other.

 

"Do James and Peter know?" Remus asked faintly, worried the answer was yes. Sirius shook his head and he let out a huge breath of relief. His previous fears dissipated a bit, and he blinked at him. "You can't tell them." He pleaded, and Sirius blinked. "You can't tell _anyone_. It's safe, that's why I leave, you-"

 

"Remus." Sirius said quietly, shaking his head and grasping his arm a bit harder. "Remus, I won't say anything unless you want me to. I swear it." He looked fierce and Remus was frozen in his stare, in the unwavering throb of loyalty he felt coming from him. He let out a soft breath that turned into a sob of relief and Sirius looked panicked as tears started running down his cheeks.

 

"I'm sorry." He choked out, pressing his hands to his eyes and choking out a laughsob. "I'm sorry, I just- I'm so sorry, I was so worried and scared." He tried to reason, and the tears disappeared as soon as he could make them. Sirius was still staring at him, then wrapped him in a hug.

 

"How'd you figure out?" Remus asked a little later, when the hug was gone and never to be spoken of again and his tears dried to nothing.

 

"You disappear once a month during the full moon. You eat chocolate like it's a drug. You've got these." He pointed at the scars disappearing down into his shirt and Remus awkwardly fixed his collar. "It wasn't hard."

 

"No one else has figured it out." Remus pointed out, and Sirius shrugged. 

 

"Maybe no one else was looking?" He said, and he raised a brow.

 

"You were?" Remus asked, and Sirius laughed.

 

"Oh, you know me. Smartest wizard in our grade." He joked, and Remus laughed as well. He felt better. Sirius wasn't going to tell, he didn't care that he was a werewolf. It was going to be ok. 

 

He felt warm.


	2. the things that calm us

The train compartment was never quiet. Never ever quiet. Remus honestly sometimes wished he could have his own to nap in or relax with a good book.

 

Speaking of, Sirius crowed something. James whooped. Peter laughed that cackling laugh and Remus winced. 

 

"You three are insufferable." He told them, much to their amusement. They all burst out laughing, and it was difficult to hide his own grin at their stupid antics. He felt a heavy arm over his shoulders and looked up to find Sirius grinning at him. He grinned back, and Sirius laughed.

 

"Prude." He said, poking fun, and Remus shook his head, looking back down at his book.

 

"Here we come, year fooooour!" James yelled out into the hall, receiving a well-earned 'shut the fuck up!' from down the hall.

 

Remus laughed with them this time, the heavy weight of Sirius pressed against his side comforting and the promise of a good year hovering in front of him.

 

\--------------------

 

This was not a good year, not a good year, _not a good year_. Oh, lord, Remus was panicking again. He shouldn't have taken so many classes honestly, and the full moon was coming up, and James and Peter and Sirius were busy trying to figure out that _stupid_ Animagi spell for him-

 

He really shouldn't have had that extra coffee at breakfast, because he was shivering and trying to stay silent in his bed as he listened to the snores around him. He tried to focus on that, use his mother's way of calming down. Find five things you see. Curtains, his own lumps of feet, a book on the floor (he should pick that up), spilled ink (clean it up clean it up), and someone's hand dangling from their bed. Four things you can hear. Sirius breathing, Peter snoring, James mumbling-

 

He kept it up, his own panicked breaths evening out a bit. He was starting to calm down, but not by too much. He was restless and he found himself out of bed soon enough, picking up that book he'd seen earlier. Wiping up the spilled ink. Arranging the parchment on his own desk and then methodically, everyone else's. He'd blame it on the house elves, in the morning. 

 

"Moony?" Came a soft whisper, about twenty minutes into his stressed cleaning spree. He glanced up, an animal caught in the headlights of some Muggle car.

 

"...morning." He tried to go for, watching as Sirius swung his feet out of his bed and pressed them to the floor. Two steps and then he was sat next to Remus, watching him fold socks with intense carefulness.

 

He looked handsome, Remus thought, then banished that down to wherever it came from with a firm slap.

 

"If you mean morning as in two a.m., then yes. Why are you up?" Sirius asked, and his nose wrinkled. "And why are you folding socks?" Remus laughed softly at that and set down the pair he'd been working on to start on another. 

 

"Couldn't sleep." He replied easily. It wasn't a lie. "Figured I'd make use of my time awake." 

 

"By folding our sweaty socks?" Sirius asked and Remus had to bite down another laugh.

 

"Yes, by folding your sweaty socks. The house elves can't do anything for this dorm, so I will. Besides, meaningless physical tasks help me calm down." He explained and Sirius raised a brow. They were both whispering, to keep from waking the others, but he leaned in a bit closer and made Remus' heart stutter. _Not now, feelings._ He chided himself silently and nearly missed what he was saying.

 

"Calm down? You good?" He asked, and Remus met his gaze with an even look.

 

Ever since that time under the tree second year and after Remus had a panic attack while telling James and Peter about his condition, Sirius had somehow become attuned to it, it seemed. He appeared with chocolate whenever Remus was about to blow, let him rant and listened to him while he did, left a cup of tea by his essays when he went to use the loo. He was somehow a constant calming presence and Remus was almost ashamed by how much he let that get to him. Sirius was his friend. Yes, they'd gotten closer. Not to the point of James-and-Sirius close, but they were less Sirius and Remus and more SiriusandRemus. It was nice, in a way. He felt at home with his friends.

 

"I'm better now." He admitted, glancing around at the now a tiny-bit-neater room. "I think I'll be fine."

 

"You should try to sleep." Sirius said after another minute of just sitting there, listening to Peter snore. What an elegant boy.

 

"I know." Remus said, tiredly. "I know. Just." He trailed off and shrugged, letting his gaze fall to the wood grain of the floor. Which he started picking at, watching it move beneath his fingernails. It slightly hurt, and the masochistic part of him was grateful for the slight pain to distract him.

 

"Are you going to?" He heard Sirius ask, and he shrugged. It took another moment for him to think of a reply that wasn't too pitiful, but it came out that way anyways. Stupid, stupid Remus.

 

"I don't think I can." He said faintly and he heard Sirius sigh. Great, now he'd pissed him off or something-

 

"...is there any way I can help?" Or...not. He glanced up at him again, finger stilling against the wood and he shrugged vaguely, hoping the dark disguised his cheeks. It'd be a shame if Sirius were to see them now, slightly tinted pink. He hadn't expected a response like that from two-a.m. Sirius.

 

"I- uh. I don't know?" He said, shrugging again and making a helpless gesture with his hand. He heard Sirius suck in a breath, and start thinking. When Sirius actually dared to put thought into something, it was almost always tangible in a way that intrigued and mystified Remus. 

 

"Here." He said, and Remus watched him get up and move toward Remus' own bed. He raised a brow.

 

"What?" He asked, hearing the slight creak of the springs as Sirius climbed into the bed and seemingly, got comfy. "Excuse me?" He asked, standing and moving to stand at the side of the bed and looked down at him, making a face. Sirius smiled. In the dark, it looked eerie. 

 

"Here, c'mere." He repeated, patting the area next to him with that smile still on his face. Remus shook his head.

 

"I'm not getting into bed with you, Sirius." He said simply, keeping his voice at a whisper even though he could hear the small sleep noises coming from Peter and James' beds. He shook his head again when Sirius tried to insist.

 

"Just for a few minutes. Come on, don't be a prude." He said and rolled his eyes, and Remus hesitantly sat on the bed. He felt a hand on his wrist and he was being tugged, but he wasn't actively fighting it either. He let himself be dragged into bed, exhausted muscles not wanting to fight anymore.

 

"I am not a prude, this isn't even- stop looking at me like that. Shut up." He muttered as he got settled, under the thick blankets with Sirius curled up at his side. They were inches apart.

 

"Shut your eyes, Moony. Go to sleep." Sirius breathed, and Remus shut his eyes, but didn't shut up.

 

"This is ridiculous." He said, and felt an arm lay over his shoulders. He relaxed a bit. The bed was comfy, he was warm, his stress was fading away with each breath he took. It was, ironically, like magic. 

 

"Go to sleep." He heard Sirius say and he fought the urge to open his eyes and argue, letting himself relax more.

 

"I hate you." He mumbled, and Sirius breathed out a little tiny laugh that Remus felt more than heard. His breath smelled like toothpaste, he mused, leaning more towards him and relaxing further.

 

"Goodnight." Sirius barely said, a whisper of a whisper.

 

"...night."

 

\----------------

 

Remus woke up the next morning with a  cold spot next to him and his curtains drawn for privacy. He could tell he'd woken up late, but he couldn't find the will in him to give a damn until he'd actually gotten up and felt the cold floor. He glanced around the room - only Sirius was still in the room, lounging on his bed.

 

"Morning." Remus dared to say, and Sirius cracked open an eye. Their gazes met, and neither said a word for a moment. Then,

 

"Morning, Moony." He responded, drawing the syllables out and he checked his wrist as if he had a watch there. "You've got approximately five minutes until class starts."

 

Remus Lupin didn't swear often, but when he did, it was for a good cause.

 

 

 

 


End file.
